I took a train to Moorabbin on Saturday and I think I learned more about Australia and Australians in half an hour than I have in the weeks proceeding that fateful ride. It was about 1:30PM when I left Moorabbin to return to Port Melbourne and it didn’t occur to me that the train would be packed with fans going to “the footy”.
Australia as a country is more secular than any other first world country. In the 2001 census, 30% of the participants stated they were atheists or refused to answer the question. 70,000 Aussie smart asses replied that they were “Jedis”. Of the majority that did state their denomination, only 25% attended a religious service on a weekly basis. I, however, witnessed the true Australian religion on my journey as my train was filled with followers of the Richmond Tigers.
Prior to visiting Australia, I had assumed that Aussies were passionate about rugby and cricket. While that might hold true in New South Wales, here in Victoria, the AFL is king. The train was filled with men, women, children, and the elderly all dressed in the black and gold of the Tigers. I spent over half an hour with my face six inches away from a father taking his two sons to the game. One foot to my left was an older gentlemen who proudly told me that he had personally attended six Grand Finals (the equivalent of the Super Bowl in the NFL).
If I were asked prior to arriving, which footy team I would follow, I would have said Melbourne. I didn’t understand that the AFL actually has teams for each suburb. Although the larger markets such as New York and Los Angeles may have two professional sports teams, Melbourne is not much bigger than Seattle. It would be like having teams such as the Redmond Tech Geeks, the Bellevue Yuppies, the Seattle Hipsters, and the Tacoma Stinkypants (yes, Tacoma, I’m talking to you - your entire city stinks. Own it!). After much careful deliberation, I decided that I barrack for the Saint Kilda Saints. I might have made the decision lightly as now that I have committed to it, there is no turning back. Australians do not tolerate fair weather fans. After I made my declaration of loyalty, I found out that the Saints are having a bad season, in the prior two seasons they had been to the Grand Final twice without winning a championship, and they have the worst overall record (going back over a hundred years) of any team in the AFL. Perfect! I need a team that will disappoint me, as a retired Jew and a Phoenix Suns fan I couldn’t ask for a better choice.
While Qwest Field in Seattle is considered to be one of the loudest and most raucous stadiums in the NFL, it holds about 55,000 people. Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG), where most AFL matches are held, holds DOUBLE the number of people. The appeal of the game transcends gender and age and truly unites entire groups of people.
My first observation on the train was that Australians are tough. That train was packed so full that I could barely move, yet there wasn’t a single complain uttered. In fact, the Aussies were downright happy. In the States, someone would have filed a lawsuit and sued for millions of dollars due to the emotional distress caused by their claustrophobia. After the law suit there would be federal regulators dictating that each person needs at least 3 feet of personal space. Helmets would be mandatory - not because anyone got a head injury, but because it would be the next logical law suit.
I realized watching TV in Oz that there are no commercials for drugs. It seems like back home, network television is more or less subsidized by Big Pharma. I have seen advertisements for depression, erectile dysfunction, constant urination, high cholesterol, anxiety disorder - you name the “disease” and there is a pill for it. The American attitude seems to be that if there is a problem, a magical pill exists that will fix it. While the same drugs may very well exist here, I have never seen them advertised. I am somewhat certain that if one were to visit an Australian psychologist, on the first visit they would be told, “Get over it!”
If the person went back for a second visit, the psychiatrist would say, “Walk it off!” There assuredly would not be a third visit.
Australia benefits from the same relative geographic isolation that the United States does. Although Aussies have fought valiantly in many of the major conflicts over the course of the last hundred years, Australian soil has only been attacked once. Although considerably smaller, the Australian special forces are elite. In fact, those crazy bastards invented the “Aussie style” of repelling. It’s true, Australian special forces are trained to repel from helicopters; face down, one hand controls their descent, and the other hand is used to fire their weapons as they land. I have first hand experience with repelling and there’s no way I would even try “Aussie style”, let alone do it into a hot landing zone.
Now having praised their toughness, there is one aspect that all Australians are complete and utter sissies about - if the temperature drops below 60 degrees Fahrenheit (or 10 Celsius) they go into an absolute panic. If one ever needed to interrogate an Australian; I would recommend tricking them into a car, child locking the door, and turning the air conditioning all the way down. Within a minute the most toughened, hardened Aussie would be spilling their guts as they can’t handle the cold. Australians set their thermostats to 78 degrees during this exceedingly mild winter.
I have also noticed that Australian dads are probably better than their US counterparts. Back home, I proudly took my kids plenty of places without adult supervision. Everywhere I went, people acted like I was father of the year for doing something with my kids while my wife got a much needed break. Here, it’s perfectly normal to see men taking their children places and spending time with them. Recently, I had the privilege of watching a father carry his infant son in a bjorn on the tram while he was wearing a suit. Without the least bit of self-consciousness he smiled at his son and kept him entertained. There was no one he was trying to impress. This wasn’t for show, he genuinely loved the little child perched on his stomach and it showed. It made me miss my kids all the more, but I will be happy to bring them to a place this family friendly.
The Australians on the train were warm and friendly, all out for a day of fun with friends and family <sarcasm> in spite of the bitter 60 degree weather </sarcasm>. Their love of sport is passionate without being stupid. Young children enjoy the footy as much as the adults and are quite safe at MCG. It’s a great country and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to live amongst the Aussies in their native habitat. When I start complaining about the cold when it is well above freezing, it will be time for me to go.
Australia as a country is more secular than any other first world country. In the 2001 census, 30% of the participants stated they were atheists or refused to answer the question. 70,000 Aussie smart asses replied that they were “Jedis”. Of the majority that did state their denomination, only 25% attended a religious service on a weekly basis. I, however, witnessed the true Australian religion on my journey as my train was filled with followers of the Richmond Tigers.
Prior to visiting Australia, I had assumed that Aussies were passionate about rugby and cricket. While that might hold true in New South Wales, here in Victoria, the AFL is king. The train was filled with men, women, children, and the elderly all dressed in the black and gold of the Tigers. I spent over half an hour with my face six inches away from a father taking his two sons to the game. One foot to my left was an older gentlemen who proudly told me that he had personally attended six Grand Finals (the equivalent of the Super Bowl in the NFL).
If I were asked prior to arriving, which footy team I would follow, I would have said Melbourne. I didn’t understand that the AFL actually has teams for each suburb. Although the larger markets such as New York and Los Angeles may have two professional sports teams, Melbourne is not much bigger than Seattle. It would be like having teams such as the Redmond Tech Geeks, the Bellevue Yuppies, the Seattle Hipsters, and the Tacoma Stinkypants (yes, Tacoma, I’m talking to you - your entire city stinks. Own it!). After much careful deliberation, I decided that I barrack for the Saint Kilda Saints. I might have made the decision lightly as now that I have committed to it, there is no turning back. Australians do not tolerate fair weather fans. After I made my declaration of loyalty, I found out that the Saints are having a bad season, in the prior two seasons they had been to the Grand Final twice without winning a championship, and they have the worst overall record (going back over a hundred years) of any team in the AFL. Perfect! I need a team that will disappoint me, as a retired Jew and a Phoenix Suns fan I couldn’t ask for a better choice.
While Qwest Field in Seattle is considered to be one of the loudest and most raucous stadiums in the NFL, it holds about 55,000 people. Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG), where most AFL matches are held, holds DOUBLE the number of people. The appeal of the game transcends gender and age and truly unites entire groups of people.
My first observation on the train was that Australians are tough. That train was packed so full that I could barely move, yet there wasn’t a single complain uttered. In fact, the Aussies were downright happy. In the States, someone would have filed a lawsuit and sued for millions of dollars due to the emotional distress caused by their claustrophobia. After the law suit there would be federal regulators dictating that each person needs at least 3 feet of personal space. Helmets would be mandatory - not because anyone got a head injury, but because it would be the next logical law suit.
I realized watching TV in Oz that there are no commercials for drugs. It seems like back home, network television is more or less subsidized by Big Pharma. I have seen advertisements for depression, erectile dysfunction, constant urination, high cholesterol, anxiety disorder - you name the “disease” and there is a pill for it. The American attitude seems to be that if there is a problem, a magical pill exists that will fix it. While the same drugs may very well exist here, I have never seen them advertised. I am somewhat certain that if one were to visit an Australian psychologist, on the first visit they would be told, “Get over it!”
If the person went back for a second visit, the psychiatrist would say, “Walk it off!” There assuredly would not be a third visit.
Australia benefits from the same relative geographic isolation that the United States does. Although Aussies have fought valiantly in many of the major conflicts over the course of the last hundred years, Australian soil has only been attacked once. Although considerably smaller, the Australian special forces are elite. In fact, those crazy bastards invented the “Aussie style” of repelling. It’s true, Australian special forces are trained to repel from helicopters; face down, one hand controls their descent, and the other hand is used to fire their weapons as they land. I have first hand experience with repelling and there’s no way I would even try “Aussie style”, let alone do it into a hot landing zone.
Now having praised their toughness, there is one aspect that all Australians are complete and utter sissies about - if the temperature drops below 60 degrees Fahrenheit (or 10 Celsius) they go into an absolute panic. If one ever needed to interrogate an Australian; I would recommend tricking them into a car, child locking the door, and turning the air conditioning all the way down. Within a minute the most toughened, hardened Aussie would be spilling their guts as they can’t handle the cold. Australians set their thermostats to 78 degrees during this exceedingly mild winter.
I have also noticed that Australian dads are probably better than their US counterparts. Back home, I proudly took my kids plenty of places without adult supervision. Everywhere I went, people acted like I was father of the year for doing something with my kids while my wife got a much needed break. Here, it’s perfectly normal to see men taking their children places and spending time with them. Recently, I had the privilege of watching a father carry his infant son in a bjorn on the tram while he was wearing a suit. Without the least bit of self-consciousness he smiled at his son and kept him entertained. There was no one he was trying to impress. This wasn’t for show, he genuinely loved the little child perched on his stomach and it showed. It made me miss my kids all the more, but I will be happy to bring them to a place this family friendly.
The Australians on the train were warm and friendly, all out for a day of fun with friends and family <sarcasm> in spite of the bitter 60 degree weather </sarcasm>. Their love of sport is passionate without being stupid. Young children enjoy the footy as much as the adults and are quite safe at MCG. It’s a great country and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to live amongst the Aussies in their native habitat. When I start complaining about the cold when it is well above freezing, it will be time for me to go.
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